I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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