my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
