I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
