Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
