We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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