Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
