I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
