Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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