Define "chronic" masturbator.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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