I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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