just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
