I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
