Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
