But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
