I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
