How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
