I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
