If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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