Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
