He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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