I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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