im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
