Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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