saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
