Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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