Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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