Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
