OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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