I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
