Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize