She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
