who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
