The brown eye won't let me do that either.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
