If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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