Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is that strawberry winking at me??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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