You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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