It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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