Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
