and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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