You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
