I want to stick my p in your. b.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The adults are the big ones right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
