So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
