I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
