You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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