just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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