i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
