I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
