He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
