It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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