i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
