I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
