He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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