Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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