this beer tastes like vomit already
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
