I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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