I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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