yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
