I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize