dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
