those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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