Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
