I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
