you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
