Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
