Say something about gay babies.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
