Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
