I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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