I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
