The maid of honor just puked.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
