if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
