Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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