Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dicks are not precious.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
