and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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