i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
