you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
