Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
