I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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