You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize