If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
