Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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