sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
