Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
