R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
