We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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