Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
