It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
