she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
