What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
