We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
