epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
