We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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