please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
