The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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