Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
