Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
