I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
