the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
false alarm, still single
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