it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
