Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize