i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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