Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
